Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.