it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
