chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
