yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
