i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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