Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
