I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
