I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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