Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
