he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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