Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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