I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
