it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
