oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
