Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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