Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
