Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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