He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
