Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
