I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
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It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
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Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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