I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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