Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
