Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
