Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
