i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
