She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
