Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Can i not drive my cunt home
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if only i could text you this smell
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
