Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
