hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you never un-have a 4some
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
