I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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