Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
