I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
