Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
