i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
