I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
