I just pynch a tree in the face
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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