Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is this like a preordered booty call?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
