Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
