All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
