I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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