Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize