its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
