I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize
