the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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