please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
