So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
