I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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