I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
