I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
