Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
