I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
