A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
