If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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