Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In other news, I just burned my penis
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
