So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
