He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
