You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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