Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
