I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
