what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
